Contentment

Contentment
kənˈtɛntm(ə)nt/
noun;
          a state of happiness and satisfaction

I know I haven’t been around much to talk or share things with you guys but today after quite some time I thought of something worth sharing. These past few months have been an overwhelming series of ups and downs. So much that I am happy about, and so much that I wish I could erase from my memory permanently but it’s all happened and I’m okay now. It’s in these few months that I realized something I found very difficult to comprehend earlier.

I learnt to be happy irrespective of what was going on around. Now I might sound a little crazy when I say this because how can you be happy if people around you are hurting or someone made you sad or if things aren’t working fine?! That’s exactly how I used to think until I realized that horrible things happen all the time and they’re inevitable, but does that mean that we must immerse ourselves in sadness till something good happens?

We are dependent on others when it comes to how we feel, so much so that we have become a reaction to the world around us. Our circumstances have made us lose our identity. What you and I need is to become independent. Of course, we will feel a certain way about a certain situation but if you’re letting that emotion take over you, you’re messing it up.

Draw a line, a boundary that tells you it’s time to change into a fresh pair of clothes and get on. The moment you start doing that, you take your first step on the ladder of contentment. In most of my posts before I’ve told you to start doing things that make you happy. I for one have started singing along to my favorite music even when I sound like a crow, I leave my curtains open more often, letting sunlight stream in, I eat whatever I like, smile as much as I can. Cliche much? Well it may seem like that, but I am starting to feel better, happier.

I felt like I had lost myself owing to the circumstances around me. I felt so far away from who I truly was that I was scared I’d never be able to see the old me. I could sense it, see it. How different had my approach become, how strange my reactions were, how less my patience was. It was difficult, it always is but you cannot cry about it forever, can you? Give second chances and learn to take them too. These days when I’m sad I give myself time, but I refuse to wait for another to turn it around for me, I do it myself.

I hope reading this makes you realize that you can be happy too and there really has to be no one but you to do it. This is probably not the best I’ve written but it means a lot to me. To be able to tell you all that there is a way and that I’m trying it too is something I am happy about.

I don’t think I need to give you happiness today, you see it’s lying right within you😊

Thank you for making time and reading this!

Love, love and more love,

Girl online.

Clean Slate

I didn’t have the courage to say all this in front of everyone. So, I am writing this and I know you’ll never get a chance to read this but I’m going to leave it with the flowers anyway. I can’t let you go without telling you just how much you meant to me. I’m going to be honest today and no matter how bitter I sound I need you to know that although a part of me longs for you to come back, I’m glad this came to an end. You were important, really important until yesterday, until I realized I didn’t need you, until you left me. Don’t get me wrong I’m so thankful, I’m grateful for all the things you taught me. Even the worst days taught me so much. You never failed to stand in front of me like a mirror reminding me of who I am, who I was and you succeeded each time. But today, now that you’re gone I know I don’t ever have to look at that mirror again, the one I scratched, chipped, broke. I’m going to buy myself a new one, one that I will replace every time it gets ruined. I won’t tape it, won’t make excuses for it, I’ll replace it. I think I was so caught up with you that I never looked at what at what lay beyond you. I wasted so many hours, days, months on you that it’s like I had forgotten about what really mattered. I always thought you were the one, the one who decided who I was going to be. Now that you’ve left I know that you were absolutely wrong, You were wrong about everything and there was someone else I should’ve trusted. Someone who kept trying to tell me that you didn’t matter. Rude huh? It’s the truth. But don’t worry there is something else that I love you for. I love you for teaching me, for being the biggest lesson of my life. I am happy I got to spend those beautiful days with you too and those are the one’s I’ll keep forever. I will cherish them when I miss you. But something tells me I won’t miss you that often.

So my dear past, this is my eulogy, I know you were expecting me to say it out loud but I couldn't. I’m sorry you couldn’t live forever but I hope you find peace and that up there you know that I’m okay without you. I think things are already getting better here. Don’t be sad that I don’t miss you enough, I do, it’s just that you couldn’t leave your mark like you always wanted to. It’s a clean slate dear friend. Goodbye.

not yours anymore, 

Akanksha.

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Yup I know. I just eulogized my past, it was about time, wasn’t it?

I'm sending more than love today, I'm sending courage, self belief and happiness.

yours,

Girl online.