I didn’t have the courage to say all this in front of
everyone. So, I am writing this and I know you’ll never get a chance to read this
but I’m going to leave it with the flowers anyway. I can’t let you go without telling
you just how much you meant to me. I’m going to be honest today and no matter
how bitter I sound I need you to know that although a part of me longs for you
to come back, I’m glad this came to an end. You were important, really important
until yesterday, until I realized I didn’t need you, until you left me. Don’t get
me wrong I’m so thankful, I’m grateful for all the things you taught me. Even the
worst days taught me so much. You never failed to stand in front of me like a
mirror reminding me of who I am, who I was and you succeeded
each time. But today, now that you’re gone I know I don’t ever have to look at
that mirror again, the one I scratched, chipped, broke. I’m going to buy myself
a new one, one that I will replace every time it gets ruined. I won’t tape it,
won’t make excuses for it, I’ll replace it. I think I was so caught up with you
that I never looked at what at what lay beyond you. I wasted so many hours, days,
months on you that it’s like I had forgotten about what really mattered. I always
thought you were the one, the one who decided who I was going to be. Now that
you’ve left I know that you were absolutely wrong, You were wrong about
everything and there was someone else I should’ve trusted. Someone who kept trying
to tell me that you didn’t matter. Rude huh? It’s the truth. But don’t worry
there is something else that I love you for. I love you for teaching me, for
being the biggest lesson of my life. I am happy I got to spend those beautiful
days with you too and those are the one’s I’ll keep forever. I will cherish them when I miss you. But something tells me I won’t miss you that often.
So my dear past, this is my eulogy, I know you were expecting
me to say it out loud but I couldn't. I’m sorry you couldn’t live forever but I hope
you find peace and that up there you know that I’m okay without you. I think
things are already getting better here. Don’t be sad that I don’t miss you
enough, I do, it’s just that you couldn’t leave your mark like you always
wanted to. It’s a clean slate dear friend. Goodbye.
not yours anymore,
Akanksha.
..................................................................................................................................................................
Yup I know. I just eulogized my past, it was about time,
wasn’t it?
I'm sending more than love today, I'm sending courage, self belief and happiness.
yours,
Girl online.
